out of the blue or know that its coming?

setting: chair in my room 

song (or noise/movie): love happens 

mood: curious 

is it better to know, to be aware that someone you love is going to die soon or would you rather be caught of guard? 

so you're on this amazing date with the guy of your dreams, all was perfect. you were enchanted and so was he. you genuinely laughed at his jokes cause they were good. he touched your cheeks so gently cause he wanted to know if they could really feel as soft as they looked. you had extra dessert just so you can spend time, that extra few minutes with each other. you know this is it. you feel it in your gut, in the bottom of your heart... it beats crazy. walking towards his car, his hand brushes yours and there it is... the spark. this is the guy you wanna hold hands with. you love him and you know he loves you back. 

a truck driver falls asleep on the wheel and ends whatever dream you had with him. 

the love of your life is in the hospital. he was just diagnosed with a terminally ill disease. you are with him every minute you can possible spare just to make sure that you dont miss a minute. you want to be there for him during this rough patch but the doctors tell you that there is nothing else they can do for him. You trust their experience what they say but at the same time, you hold on to the hope that miracles do happen. you trust that they happen. he fell in love with you didnt he? that right there is proof that miracles exist. you're holding on to that and the possibility of a miracle happening for you. you need him to continue to exist. you're the love of his life. a few months later, after countless doctors tell you that this day was coming, its still more devastating than you can ever imagine. 

is there a "better"? Pam